Self Tough Love

Pre-note: Tis not very often that I open the door and share in my own ignorance. But desperate times call for desperate measure and maybe, just maybe, a little public humiliation will bring me out of this incessant stupor.

Aparantly sometime during my travels over the last few weeks, I have managed to trip and fall on the stupid stick. And as if that wasn't bad enough, I think it may have possibly, in the midst of my trip, bounced up off the ground and smacked me on the back of the head.

Exhibit A

I go shopping, after work last week, and buy me some new hooker boots. As any woman knows, hooker boots are an essential to the female wardrobe. I select two pairs. Brown and black and then I buy them and take them home. Now I will not try shoes on in the store. It is gross and I just won't do it. I try them on at home. I get home and after spending some time doing chores and such I sit down and decide I should try them on. I am still in my scrubs, turquoise ones to set the image, and I hike my pants up to my knees and put the boots on. I then proceed to zip my calf up with the zipper. Yeah that felt good. Also, as a part of trying shoes on, as many of you know, it is also important to walk around and make sure the shoes don't slip off your heals and things like that. So I stood up, with my turquoise scrubs up to my knees, and then proceeded to step forward a few steps. Anyone guess what happened??? I, Mystery, am a dumbass and forgot to take the tags off, which are conveniently connected to both boots. I trip and fall and land face first on the bed. Yeah laugh it up.

Exhibit B

Chris sometimes pulls this shit where he takes the dogs outside and he "looses" the dog poop and can't pick it up. One night he insisted I take one of the dogs out and he would take the other. After bitching and moaning, I agree. We are both out there barefoot standing on the sidewalk and JD has to go poo. Now he will not go just anywhere. He has a special little corner picked out for himself. Chris is holding JD and he will not take him back to his special corner, because he is barefoot and is not going chance stepping in poo by walking on the grass. I call him a sissy and say that it is no big deal. I told him he was chicken shit and that I would do it my damn self. I grab the leash out of his hands and walk JD back to his special corner and step in dog shit with my bare feet. Yes it was at that moment my world began to swim with nauseousness and only the sound of Chris' bellowing laughter brought me back to reality.

Exhibit C

Yesterday after work, I had a few errands to run. I had to go to both banks and then drive across town to drop off the rent with our looney ass landlord. It was a rough day at work, as usual. It is "season" right now and all the old farts that live here during the winter are here effing up the community. Anyways I was exhausted, jamming out to Breaking Benjamin—Diary of Jane, and I must have hit the radio control on my steering wheel. Now my radio was very very loud, as a way to keep me aware of what was going on, and "You Spin Me Right Round" by Dead or Alive came on the radio. Now for the record I don't mind some 80's music, but mostly hair bands. Not this techno stuff. Funny thing was, I was too lazy to change the station back, even though the controls were on the steering wheel mind you. I didn't even adjust the volume. Then magically out of thin air, I somehow gained the knowledge of all the lyrics and like a fool began to bellow them like I was the shit. I was also sitting at a stop light and the cars on both sides of me contained passengers that were staring at me laughing uncontrollably. I sat there at the stop light in shame, for a good 5 minutes before the light changed.

Dead or Alive - You Spin Me Right Round

If I, I get to know your name
Well if I, could trace your private number, baby

All I know is that to me
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your loving arms
I want some, want some

I set my sights on you
(And no one else will do)
And I, I've got to have my way now, baby

All I know is that to me
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your loving arms
Watch out here I come

Chorus:
You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round, round, round
(x2)

I got to be your friend now, baby
And I would like to move in just a little bit closer

All I know is that to me
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your loving arms
Watch out here I come

Chorus (x2)

All I know is that to me
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your loving arms
Watch out here I come

Chorus (x2)

Well there you have it. Just a taste of the ignorance I have been living and my form of public humiliation/tough love on myself. Stupidity will now cease and desist, for today is a new day. I have only managed to give myself two paper cuts, smack my stethoscope against the wall while they were in my ears once, and trip on the EKG machine twice. There is still hope…..there has to be. Right?? Oh and buy the way...I totally just noticed one of my socks is inside out. The shame.