Where were you?

Where Were You?

Everyone says that you will never forget where you were at or what you were doing on September 11, 2001. But for me the most vivid memories lies within the emotional pain and distress that I felt as I watched our country endure such a horrible tragedy. I carry that pain with me still today this day in my heart and I will never forget it.

September 11 for me started out like any normal day in my life. I woke early, got everyone ready and headed out the door to drop the kids off at daycare, and drove to my morning college math class. I arrived on time as usual and found my seat and proceeded to check over the assignment that was due. Having 2 young kids and trying to do homework didn’t always mesh so I always double checked myself in class.

As I sat there I noticed that something wasn’t quite right. It was as if something in the universe shifted off its path and everyone, including myself, began getting restless and anxious. The professor walked in late, which was not a common occurrence for him, and announced that class was to be cancelled that morning due to ventilation problems. Apparently the college was having the walls painted and they lacked the ability to provide proper ventilation and due to safety issues, they had to cancel class.

I can’t say that, at the time, I was disappointed about the cancellation. Truth be told, I had a million other things that needed to be done and I was looking forward to the extra time that was just thrown into my lap. So needless to say I left class with a smile on my face. But oddly the feeling of uneasiness seemed to follow me from class.

I got in my car and made my way home. I had the radio on, but honestly I didn’t hear a single word that was being said. It was basically just background noise to me. My mind was preoccupied with making a mental list of all the things that I was going to get done when I got home.

I was just a short distance from home and stopped at a red-light when I finally realized what it was that they were saying on the radio. I figured that it had to be a prank.....a hoax.....it couldn’t be real. It just wasn’t possible. I started flipping from station to station and it was the same thing on everyone. "Plane crashes into World Trade Center building". I was in a state of shock. How could this be happening?

At that moment, it was as if life started going in slow motion. I went and picked up my kids and went home to watch the news, so I could find out just what exactly was going on. The kids went about their day as if nothing happened.....playing, laughing, and enjoying life. As for me, I sat in front of the television like a sponge absorbing massive amounts of information and emotion and not knowing what to do with it. Afraid that if I turned the TV off something would happened and I wouldn’t know it and would be in danger. I just held all emotions in and sat quietly watching. I was a mother and I had to be strong and aware of the ongoing for the safety of my kids. There was no time for crying. The events through out the rest of the day were a blur. I can only say that I did witness the plane hitting the second building, but I couldn't tell you exactly how the events played out the rest of the day.

Later that evening after putting the kids to bed, I had decided I had had enough. I turned the television off in hopes of suppressing some of the emotional overload that I was enduring. I went to my bedroom and sat on the bed just staring at the wall, trying to work through the deep rooted emotional pain that I was feeling. Trying to make sense of it all. Then it all became just too much to hold in any longer.

The flood gates opened and I sat their on the bed and cried. I cried for the lives that were lost, their loved ones, the ones still searching for family and friends, for the heroes working to save lives, for anyone and everyone who was suffering because of the actions of a group of heartless human beings. I cried for hours until I finally ended up crying myself to sleep.

That night I had many dreams.....horrible ones.....nightmares. I woke often, but was only up for a few minutes at a time before slipping back to sleep. But, the visions of the days tragedy traipsed through my subconscious and replayed them over and over.....not letting me forget. Not even for a moment.

Looking back over the years and how far we have come as a country, I think we can truly start to see the full impact this tragedy has had on our society.....on our country. Many Americans banned together and showed a level of patriotism that I had never seen before. Others chose to throw blame and argue and bicker as to who was at fault. Some, such as the media, used the tragedy continuously as a means to increase ratings and sales to gain profit. I do have to say that the marketing side of the tragedy had gone through the roof. But, the majority walked away with a new sense of self. They developed a renewed relationship with life and a passion to live it with their head held high and the need to tell those that they loved on a regular basis that they cared. It was if some were given a second chance and they weren’t going to mess life up the second time around.

Every anniversary I watch the remembrances and recounts unfold on the televisions. The pictures and stories bring back ghosts of the pain and agony experienced by our country. But, there is also a glimmer of hope. Hope that we can live through this tragedy and learn from it and rebuild our lives, without ever forgetting those who lives were senselessly taken away.

Mystery Inside
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