Just Babbling

Ever have one those days where you have so much to say, but yet you don't? I don't know could just be me. I haven't been myself for a really long time and I guess I am just searching for a way to bring myself back.

I wonder sometimes if I made a mistake in going back to school. I mean I have one degree and a good job, so why did I have to push for more? The sacrifices made not only by me, but my family, have been big and I don't know if it was fair to them.

I know that people say that it will all be worth it in the end, but will it really? I mean how can I ever get back the time that was lost? How do you make up the sacrifices that a 7 and 10 ten year old make for you? How do you not stress an already stressed relationship?

I just don't know how to walk around with a happy positive face when I am so tired and beat up inside. I think my brother running away from home was the straw that broke the camels back. I miss him so much it hurts and even though we now know where he is, the chance of him returning home is none. I think that it is just not a reality that I am willing to face at this time and it is tearing me up inside. I keep expecting him to show up at the door and make me laugh like he always did.

Anyways...at some point I have got to figure out how to sort this shit out, because it is consuming me too much. I mean for shit's sake, I got up this morning, dressed and then came to work and it wasn't until I was at work that I realized my scrubs looked like they got washed with a bottle of white out. Effin white splotches everywhere. I look like a kindergarten student during finger-painting time. Freakin ridiculous.

At any rate, this is just me babbling as usual, so pay no mind to it. I just need a way to vent it out. It may also have something to do with the fact that it has been rainy the last few days. I am really starting to think that I get depressed when the sun isn't out. I guess you just get too used to it when you live in Florida.

Have a great week.